Friday, 27 May 2011

Dear Aldi Lady....

I have been a customer of your store for some time now as I like your low, low prices compared to that of the competition and while I appreciate your dedication to become ‘scan rate champion’ of the southern hemisphere, I am writing to let you know that the next time you hurl the canned tuna into my trolley with such gusto that you break both my biscuits AND my eggs, I swear to God I am going to throw said Tuna squarely at your head.
 Due to your scowling demeanour, I can only imagine that you have a deep seeded issue with the human race in general and although I do feel that deep down you may in fact, not be cut out for the customer service position that you currently find yourself in, I do prefer to offer constructive criticism rather than just plain hate mail and as a result I have compiled a small list of things that may help you overcome your current situation:
#1.) Attend a meditation retreat with a dreadlock wearing, marijuana smoking instructor named Rainbow until such time as you are able to find your inner peace. It may pay to pack for all seasons.
#2.) Take up some form of athletics, they say sport is good for the soul and I feel you would be likely to excel in either Javalin or Shot Put.
#3.) Sew a big yellow happy face to the front of your uniform, at very least the irony will help your customers smile and you are likely to receive less complaints to management.
#4.) Get a new career. I was thinking perhaps something along the lines of a warden at the gaol? Or as a night time cleaner in your local kids play centre? – Those people are all jaded too, so I am sure you will fit right in.
#5.) Take up drinking. It works for the rest of us!
I hope some of my suggestions will help with your journey to self improvement. Otherwise I will start buying larger cans of tuna and perfecting my aim.

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