Monday, 31 October 2011

The Broken Chair

This chair is symbolic of my life

A little bit damaged, tentatively mended but still capable of holding together all by itself. Until somebody pushes it a little bit too hard and its pieces fall to the floor,

The pieces of my life, like the pieces of the chair have been picked up again and again.

Gently put back into the right places by the people who care.

While my fragility has mostly passed through that time that supposedly heals all wounds, I have been glued back together to make me stronger and I know that my family will once again pick up my pieces and re-build me should I ever come unstuck.

Just like the chair.

Saturday, 29 October 2011


That's why.

"Why do I have to rinse the sand off before I get in the car?"

As far as I'm concerned, this is a necessary tactic to ensure mental health and well being in the parent. It is also one that my grandmother used with her three daughters -alot, and as a direct result of this my mother learned to hate it passionately and never once said it to me.

Mum says she always felt like she was owed an explanation why as a child, that children should understand the reasoning behind an explanation if they were expected to learn and vowed to always explain things for her children.
So here is an example of the type of conversation she will willingly partake in with my kids:

Why cant we give the fish a milkshake?
Because it will die.
Why will it die?
Because it makes the water yukky.
Why does it make the water yukky?
Because its a milkshake and fish don't drink milkshakes.
Why don't fish drink milkshakes?
Because there are no cows in the ocean
Why arn't there cows in the ocean?
Because they cant swim.
Why not?

And so on.
This is why I prefer my grandmothers method.

Why cant I give the fish a milkshake?
Because I said so!!

Conversation over. I agree explanations have their place, but not in great detail to a two year old.
I am starting to think my mothers issue with over explanation is probably why she only ever had one kid, imagine putting up with that everyday!

No thank you.

Do you explain every little detail to your kids or are you a "Because I Said So" parent too?

Thursday, 27 October 2011

My Secret Life as a 'Stuff ' Whore

Well I probably shouldn’t post about this sort of thing as not only will it block my inbox with spam, but husbands everywhere might become aware of the little secret many wives are hiding from them.
The art of getting what we want out of our marriages, aside from love and happiness of course.  
They always say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but unfortunately I was not blessed in the ability to cook department so I have to fall back on my other talents, and I discovered the sure fire way to win any argument or convince the need of any purchase.
Sexual favours.
The degree of the favour has a direct impact on the size of the request, and I can’t stress the importance of pretending to dislike certain things more than you really do and holding them back accordingly, or you will have nowhere left to go when it’s time to call in the big guns.
Also a little internet research can really help improve your technique and thus make your trade-offs more valuable. This little tactic has gotten me everything from plants for the garden to a new car and a new kitchen.  
Yes, I’m a stuff whore. Sure it’s not exactly romantic, but hey, it hurts nobody - a win-win situation really, and by the time your other half cottons on to what is really going on, it is too late. Their needs are too great and all of a sudden you lie down to go to sleep one night and you get asked if you want to get that new Thermomix you have been eyeing off...
Game On.
10 yrs on, The Husband seems to have finally figured out a way to get back on top, so to speak.
 He has learned to frequently argue my opinions for no reason at all when I am obviously right, such as when I say the new clothes line needs to go in a certain spot because it is the most asthetic and practical place for it, but he says “nope its gotta go over there” which is right in full view of half the windows of the house and in the shade where nothing will ever dry.
 He then refuses to install said clothes line unless it goes where HE wants it until I start my little game with him and he is “convinced”.
Now I am the one being played.
In fact sadly for me, while we are renovating and I am the one with the particular wants in design and colour scheme and he is the one with the skills to achieve my dreams, he pretty much has me by my metaphorical balls and he knows it.
But I don’t really mind, I get my way – he gets his and after many years of marriage and 4 kids we still have an awesome sex life.
So admit it, are you a stuff whore too?

Wednesday, 26 October 2011


There has been much chatter among friends and townsfolk about the old man (We will call him Jack) who lived here before we did. When old Jack passed away, it was revealed  that he had infact been living a bit of a double life.

Old Jack had told his friends and neighbours that his wife, the love of his life had died years earlier and that his two sons had grown up and moved away and this was what had prompted his move from an affluent area of Sydney to the 100acre bush block in tiny town. "A place to get away from the rush of the city".

Jack missed his wife very much and often told people how they used to go dancing together each week, he told them about his boys and their antics as they had grown and of the things he planned to do for them with all his money.

One day Jack fell ill, and his best mate Tom drove him to the hospital, it was cancer and Jack sadly passed away a few days later. After his death, Jacks sister arrived and met Tom and they cried on each others shoulders for their loss.
Tom asked Jacks sister if she had contacted his boys yet as they needed to know and he didnt have their phone numbers.

That was when everything came undone. After some shock from both parties, it was revealed that Jack did not have any children, infact he had never been married at all. He was simply a pensioner and a loner with some odd habits who had escaped his demons and the city.

For 10 years, Jack had lied to his best mate and all of tiny town about his entire life.

Of course in a small rural community such revelations inspire much gossip and the big question of WHY? has been filled with speculations regarding his mental health, his sexuality, and of course the fabled existence or whereabouts of Jacks supposed buried millions.

As I pluck the infinate weeds from my gardens and the surrounding bushland, one of them is let to grow and bloom then another...

Opium Poppies.

Sprouting from every available gap in the ground, hundreds of them.
Perhaps his double life was in the drug trade and we will oneday recover 'Jacks Millions'? 
All those mysterious trips back to Sydney to see the sons he never had...

Or perhaps, it was all just a load of poppy cock.

Monday, 24 October 2011

How not to apply for a job

To whom it may concern,
I am applying for this/any job within the Australian Government as I am growing restless in my current position as Minister for Domestic Affairs and feel that I could take a nice cushy position within your office that does not involve removing food, spew or faecal matter from hard to clean places on a daily basis with the bonus of getting paid for it. I have included my application as follows:
NAME: Suzi Home-maker
DOB: Classified, as it is rude to ask a lady her age.
Selection Criteria 1

Supports Strategic Direction:
- Thinks strategically and contributes to organisational purpose and direction.
- Keeps self and others informed and contributes to planning and decision making.
- Shows judgement, intelligence and commonsense.

Upon the discovery of my two year old finger painting in his own faecal matter I demonstrated strategic thinking by turning a blind eye, closing the door and telling the husband that I quickly had to pop to the shops and I think the baby might be waking up can he please check for me? Then I proceeded to jump in the car and drive away as quickly as possible.
I then waited approx 10 minutes before phoning The Husband and asking him if we needed coffee, I remained calm and collected while he informed me of the rather nasty situation unfolding in the toddler’s bedroom and I proceeded to plan with, and advise him of some appropriate methods of cleaning such an unexpected mess. Demonstrating commonsense, I also informed him that I would return with some Pine O Clean to comply with expected health and safety standards of the household.
Selection Criteria 2

Achieves Results:
- Is flexible and adaptable to changing work requirements.
- Performs under direction and works independently within agreed priorities.

When pregnant and subsequently breastfeeding, I demonstrated flexibility and dedication by giving up drinking my daily margaritas and using more cost effective laundry detergent to comply with the increased demands on my body and washing machine.

Whilst in labour with my second child, I complied with my Midwifes direction to push and breathe with the agreed priority of getting the damn baby out ASAP. We continued this until the desired result was achieved when I independently pushed the damn baby out.

Upon the arrival of said baby I quickly adapted to my new role as Mother of Two and domestic goddess extroidonaire, despite fact that the workplace environment had changed dramatically and my previous workload was to be effectively doubled.

Selection Criteria 3

Supports Productive Working Relationships:
- Seeks opportunities for learning and applies new knowledge in the workplace 
- Actively participates as a team member. 
-Shares ideas and information and seeks guidance from others.
In my workplace (home) I actively seek opportunities that will keep the children out of my hair by scouring catalogues and internet websites looking for new toys/games/entertainment. I then purchase said items and use some ideas shared from mothers group and trade their use for labour such as folding the clothes for mummy, thus teaching the children valuable life skills and most importantly, getting me out of folding the clothes.
As a parent I am of course a member of a “team”, I actively participate in the role of dragging up our four children, my participation includes but is not limited to preparing all meals for the children, washing blood, mud and food scraps from the clothes, dishes and children. Driving those four fighting children to school/soccer/bus/play dates and cleaning the house and tending to the garden all with a big smile on my face. My husband shared with me that he plays his part in the team by attending paid work.
I am applying this new knowledge to my current workplace by reducing my hours to overnight and weekends only and seeking paid work in the wider community while my husband takes over my previous role.

Selection Criteria 4

Displays Personal Drive and Integrity:
- Displays high ethical and professional standards and practices in all aspects of work.
- Enthusiastically accepts tasks and initiates action.
- Is committed and focused on work outcomes.

My role as mother creates many different responsibilities, in this particular criterion I would like to address my commitment to presenting the children at the bus stop on time each morning.
This is a role I take very seriously, and I am focused on getting those little minds out the door as soon as possible so that they can arrive at school early and thus achieve their true educational potential.
I then return to the workplace (home) promptly due to my high ethical standards. I even choose to drink my coffee on the job rather than taking a break while I scour the internet and catalogues for items in which to bribe the children into silence with when they later return home. 

Thank you for considering my application, I hope to hear from you very soon, or at least before this current Zanex perscription runs out!

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Sunday Life Lessons

Good morning bloggers, it’s Sunday and I am too lazy to do a proper post, so I thought I would share a few of life’s little lessons that I have learned this week.
It turns out that water is the difference between flowers growing, or not.

·         I have learned that if you leave apple & black current juice in the fridge for too long, it turns to wine.
·         I have also learned that I am not above drinking it.
·         Don’t try to lose weight when your husband is trying to give up smoking, as you are destined to eat twice your weight in sugar and saturated fats each day in an attempt to combat his cravings.
·         Try not to drink too much fermented apple and black current juice the day before you have to work, the hangover is equivalent to being hit by one of tiny towns large freight trains.
·         When eating potato cakes, dripping in fat and smothered in sauce to appease your husband, you are bound to drop one on your nice clean new white shirt.
·         Septic Safe Laundry powders are as totally incapable of removing tomato sauce stains as the septic safe dishwashing tablets are at cleaning dishes.

So, what have you learned this week?

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Just try not to get sick

Please excuse the following rant, but the health care system has done little to fill me with confidence over recent months. I don’t know if it is purely a case of limited staff and funding that cause these constant little errors, small oversights and a general care free attitude from the medical profession towards the people coming in and out of their hospitals and offices.
When exactly did it stop being about the patients?
I suppose for the poor doctors and nurses who as children decided they wanted to grow up and ‘help people’, they are now stuck on the front line, over worked and under paid facing the cold reality of doing their job to the best of the budget rather than the best of their ability.
 My dad had a mini stroke on Monday, they call them TIA’s. These scare the crap out of your family but don’t leave you with long lasting damage. At least that’s what they hope it was but we will only find out for sure if he now goes on to have a major one, apparently that usually would happen within 48hrs if it’s going to.
This diagnosis was made purely off the presenting symptoms such as inability to make any facial expression, raise arms and total disorientation, nothing Dr Google couldn’t tell us. They were going to run scans but it turned out to be unaffordable for the hospital, and there was also no budget for a hospital bed for 48hrs to make sure that a major stroke didn’t follow, so as soon as he could remember what day it was they sent him home with a note for his GP.
Best of luck sir, please come back straight away if you wake up dead. Oh Great.
So coupled with the not so wonderful experiences that fellow bloggers and many of my friends & family have had with the health care system of late, and the knowlege that I have to trust the system with my Husband when he has his kidney op, my faith has all but disappeared.
  I am also waiting on news from my neighbour who today finds out if the now massive tumour on her carotid artery is malignant or not, hopefully they won’t lose these results and delay the process any further like they did with her last ones...
Can you imagine a world without cancer, it’s a nice thought, hey?
Now imagine it from the perspective of a major drug company executive, think how many dollars would be lost if there was no need for Chemotherapy let alone all the other drugs they supply the masses to counteract the horrible side effects of the first one. It doesn’t paint such a rosy picture for them, its not a financially viable option.
Perhaps one of those big drug companies will one day just fess up that they cured cancer long ago, stop trying to line their pockets and start doing the right thing for the people, then we can begin to get back on track.
Have you or someone you know been messed around by the Health System?

Friday, 14 October 2011

Awards and people who deserve them more than I do

Well how lucky am I? I have been given a Versitile Blogger Award!
Although I am not really a worthy candidate, I have actually been given 3  ( you guys are so sweet)– but typical me is only getting around to thanking my lovely awarders now.
So without further ado I would like to thank the lovely Janelle from ‘Me & Mia’, E. From ‘Whining at the World’ and Lene from ‘Musings of Another Mother’ for this honour. All wonderful blogs and well worth adding to your reading list!
This is one of those awards that dictates me to tell you guys 7 things about myself you don’t already know...  Ok here goes:
1.       Due to my apparently deprived childhood, I have never seen a single episode of the Smurfs nor have I watched Mary Poppins and I only saw Star Wars for the first time last year – this is apparently abnormal and a problem to most people.

2.       I am absolutely terrified of dentists, the last time I went was when I was 11 and I plan to keep it that way. – However I am a hypocrite and make the kids go every year.

3.       I don’t drink alcohol. At all.

4.       I have worked in a pet shop most of my life – and before you get all animal rights activist on me, we are one of the good ones who actually CARE about the animals and I am never afraid to refuse sale of a pet to someone I don’t think will be a worthy owner.

5.       I was a teenage mother (gasp!) and I have a very special hatered towards those who judge people without full understanding of their circumstances.

6.   I have trouble finishing what I start.

 I would also like to share the love and nominate 13 truly awesome blogs for this prestigious award, even though many probably already have it:
DAISY ROO & TWO:  Ms Daisy mother of Roo (& Two) has proven herself an amazing writer, capturing the hearts and minds of many readers around the world as she tells us personal tales of her life as a wife and mother, her posts are always enjoyable, often funny, sometimes sad and her proven versatility as a blogger more than qualifies her for this award.  
INK PAPER PEN:  I am quite certain that Gill has had this award bestowed upon her before, probably multiple times, but I would like to throw it at her again anyhow. Gill is the brain child behind Write On Wednesdays, an online writers group that lets us have fun, challenge ourselves and learn new tactics to improve our writing skills each week. Anyone can join in W.O.W just head over to Ink Paper Pen for the weekly brief and linky yourself up!
MEANINGLESS MEANDERINGS OF A MAD MOTHER: Mad Mother is mother to two gorgeous boys (Boy 1 & Boy 2)  Boy 1 being on the Autism spectrum, we share in the families challenges and joy, as adversity is overcome and her stories are a constant reminder of the important things in life. With a very clear talent in writing, the inspiration Mad Mother sends out through her words is a gift to all of her readers.
CANDYS FAMILY: Now Candy is one amazing lady, police women turned fulltime mother and proud Goulburn resident she tells us tales of the ups and downs of her life, always with the ability to make us laugh as she wrangles seven (count em 7!) beautiful children, three of whom are on the Autism Spectrum.
THE HOUSE THAT A-M BUILT: Anne Marie is a lady of incredible strength, sharing with her readers images of beauty and tales of amazing personal courage as she raises her two beautiful sons. She designed and built a beautiful house (the envy of many) and now having had a complete change of life circumstances over the last 12 months not only has she has braved the odds and come through shining, she has repeatedly used her blog to help out the less fortunate along the way.
MY LITTLE DRUMMER BOYS: Have you ever dreamed of touring around our beautiful sunburnt land in a caravan? Well right now we can all live vocariously through Trish’s stunning photography and fun stories as she and her gorgeous family tour around Australia.
BABY MAC: While I am quite certain Beth has had this award somewhere amongst many others in her blogger trophy cabinet, I would like to send it out again as I have only recently discovered her blog!  A talented photographer Beth takes us on a tour of her life in a small Australian town through beautiful images and hilarious, fun and often thought provoking words. Baby Mac is a refreshingly honest and very versatile blog to read.
EDENLAND: A lady who needs no introduction and possibly the most well known blogger in the southern hemisphere, Eden Riley has inspired everyone who has every read her. We have cried, laughed and dreamed right along with her and her amazing family as she tells us in unbroken honesty of the lessons life has thrown at her.  Eden makes the rest of us better people through her writing, she truly is a versatile blogger.
WHERES MY GLOW? ‘Glowie’ as she is fondly known by her followers, despite her moniker is certainly not lacking in the glow department, a despiser of poor grammar and spelling and mother of beautiful son ‘Tricky’ her posts are always a joyful read. From her amusing ability to re-sub title famous film clips to her devotion to blog-flogging Glowless has certainly become one of the shining beacons of the blogging world.
MAXABELLA LOVES: Inspirational till the end and always a versatile blogger, mother of three Maxabella is the person who has taught us all to be grateful for the small things. Blogging about life in general and the home/work balance, her words have a unique way of getting us thinking. Maxabella is also the most amazing party planning person you have ever seen, the photos of some of her events will blow your mind!
MY BIG NUTSHELL: Fairly new to the Blogging scene, in fact with less than a year under her belt Gemma has been a welcome and popular face in the blogosphere, her matter of fact take on life gets you thinking, and frequently laughing. Despite claiming to be “teetering on the edge of insanity’ Gemma is one very real and down to earth lady who’s blog is a pleasure to read.
KEEP CATE BUSY: Cate is at the very end of her 365 days of her inspirational goal to do one thing a day for a year that fills her life with joy, meaning and pride and despite her recent personal battles this mother of three has done an amazing job at it! Well done Cate, thank you for sharing your life with us and I bestow upon you another Versatile Blogger Award for your continued commitment to inspiring yourself and others.
MADAM BI POLAR: Well we all know Saw-hole as 'Woogsworld' staff member extroidonaire but she has now begun her own blog "Madam Bi Polar", a more serious tone in which she discusses her own struggles and triumphs with Bipolar Disorder. A truly inspirational read that offers insight into a world you may know nothing about or be all too familiar with.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Healing Hands

This is kind of a recount of something special I witnessed when visiting my friend in the mental health unit the other day....

Healing Hands

The daisies underneath the weeping willow were closing as the shadows of nightime began to fall outside the window of the tiny room.

Amongst the dust and grandmotherly chairs, an old wooden piano stood out, its beauty finally brought to life after waiting patiently in the same spot for years with nothing for company but the old grandfather clock.

Music echoed through the hallways, beatiful enchanting music - And they came.

Like rat's to the pied piper, the people had followed and soon the doorway was filled with an audience of the scared the overwhelmed and the lonely.

Brought together in this moment, they had gathered with unanimous awe for the young man sitting at the old piano, playing without written notes to reflect upon.

A small bead of sweat ran down the dark skin of the young doctor as his fingers hit the keys, the passion he felt through his semi closed eyes radiated to the world around him, and people wondered aloud if perhaps he had missed his true calling.

A wave of calm and serenity washed over the unlikely audience and they were one, the failings of life temporarily forgotten.

The music stopped suddenly and the young doctor arose from his chair, momentarily embarrassed by his onlookers, he smiled and walked out of the room quickly, his healing hands had other work to do.

Do you sometimes find beauty in unexpected places?

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

A Chance for New Beginnings

The rain pelted down heavily as I searched for the entrance, damn I must have missed it. I kept driving straight for a while squinting through the twighlight and fog on my windscreen for a safe place to turn around. I hate driving in unfamiliar areas, particularly in these conditions and even more so for the reasons I was going there.
I found my turn and proceeded to work my way through the maze of cars until I found a car park comfortably close to the building but solitary all the same.
I put on the hand brake and reviewed the text message sitting open on my phone for a minute, ‘Hey, don’t freak out but I’m in the hospital...’ I closed my eyes for a second took a deep breath and got out of the car.
I was prepared to make the mad dash through the rain, but it forgivingly turned to drizzle as I headed towards the big red EMERGANCY sign appearing to flash in the halo of glare that had formed around it. I entered the door to the right, as I had been instructed and was greeted by a labyrinth of shiny corridors.
I approached a desk towards the end with a middle aged blonde women sitting behind it, ‘2N?’ I enquired nervously ‘Through those doors love’ she smiled back warmly. The heavy double wooden doors loomed ominously ahead, the words ‘Mental Health’ written in a matter of fact manner on the front. Another deep breath.
The world through those wooden doors was a busy one, it was dinner time and the clanking of the trays on metal carts an ever present reminder of your surroundings, any thoughts that it could be a regular hospital ward were slightly overshadowed by the people.
They looked lost, the people- it struck me that most of them were men. One was sitting against a wall staring into space, another walking around talking and laughing to people only he could see. It felt very revealing being there, like I was exposed somehow, intruding into their secret pain.
A nurse found my friend for me, she was sitting in the courtyard smoking, looking weary, but kind of peaceful and a damn sight better than the last time this had happened that’s for sure. We made our pleasantries as we do when we don’t know quite what to say to each other. She motioned me to sit in the covered area and she went to get us coffee.
 The setting was very different to inside, calm, healing – fitting, I suppose.  I could see why she preferred it.
Wind chimes and mosaic sculptures hung from the trees twirling hypnotically in the breeze, the small garden beds filled with lavender and herbs mixed aromatically with the smell of the rain. Bamboo screens sheltered the area from the visual noise of the car park but the streetlights still shone down, bright yet peaceful, their light reflecting gently off the leaves of Large Japanese Maples.
My friend returned with the coffee, and some biscuits, we talked about how she had come here, what had happened, and what should happen next. I felt a lot more hope this time, and so did she.
 Unlike last time, her arrival had not been a traumatic ride in the back of an ambulance fighting for the life she didn’t want to have, but instead holding the hands of her mother and her boyfriend with a referral from the doctor. This time, it seems her pleas for help may have been answered.