Friday, 17 June 2011

Why Skiing Sucks

I HATE skiing passionately, cold, wet, downhill-into-a-tree, not my cup of tea at all - even the spelling is stupid, who puts a double “i” in the middle of a word anyway?
I must admit that part of my hatered for winter sports comes from a bad experience on a school ski trip when I was about 14. My friend and I, both equally terrible at remaining upright on a pair of slippery sticks decided we were getting a little bit better at this facing our own mortality lark and decided after a quick lesson with a dreamy, tall, blonde, curly haired, sunglass wearing, snow board riding super-hunk that were in fact quite capable after all and we would finally venture off the flat area and head for a small beginners slope.
Alas we were too busy talking about the good looking ski instructor we desperately wanted to impress and we miss read the difficulty level signs on the hill. So we gently pushed off down a colour coded slope with rather poor visibility, about 10 meters later it steepened suddenly and we discovered that our gentle beginners slope had turned into Mt Everest.
So there we were, flying down the mountain of doom at a million miles per hour doing figure 8’s with our legs, screaming our lungs out until I lost one of my poles and promptly fell over doing a rather painful rendition of the splits. My friend fell approximately 4 meters away from me landing in similar circumstances.
We were stuck. With our legs folded beneath us in an ungodly fashion, neither of us could reach that stupid little clip thingy that holds your ski to your boot. Oh the pain of it all, we spent approximately 15 minutes stuck in the freezing cold mush whinging and moaning whilst getting snowballs pegged at us from laughing kids on the chairlifts that happened to be directly above our heads.
Then out of nowhere a knight in shining armour appeared to free us from the death hold of our ski boots. Sadly the knight in shining armour wasn’t wearing armour at all but more of a bright blue snow suit, and while he was indeed a cute saviour, it was cute in the way only a 4 or 5 year old can be. Little bugger had skied up, stopped with that swish of snow powder like an expert and asked ever so politely “Do ya want me to help you?” and after granting us our freedom he said “bye bye” cheerfully and zoomed off down the mountain of terror.
Being rescued by a pre-schooler was our last straw and we and trudged back up the hill on foot, dodging the glaring professionals whizzing down the “black run” around us until we made it to the warmth of the cafe and drank hot chocolate until it was time to go home.  As a result of this missadventure, the only Ski related activities I have participated in since have involved eating yoghurt.
Are you a winter sports person, or are you sensible? Have you got any tales of terror from the ski feilds?

This was another ‘Flog Yo Blog Friday’ moment, proudly brought to you by the Great Glowless and sponsered by the letter 'G'. If you want to join in the fun head over to “Where’s My Glow?”  And Link yourself up!


Sarah Mac said...

Haha, the double i in skiing is a BRILLIANT reason to hate it!!! There are many more although the hot chocolate sounds good.

Jen said...

Oh my gosh! I totally hate skiing too! I've been through something similar, and yeah, NEVER AGAIN! Great post :)

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

The only skiing I do involves a spoon too.

You poor thing and oh the embarrassment of a 5 yr old rescuer.

I do want to go the snow though just to get wet and shiver you know , and peg snowballs at my kids.

skyelee said...

I've only been to the snow once, and the only activity starting in S I participated in was "Swilling Strongbow". New follower across from FYBF! Have a great Friday!

robyn said...

Just found you via FYB, and I'm a follower now! I happen to like skiing, because I grew up in rural qld and only went for the first time ever a couple of years ago. We had an absolute ball, but I get how it could not be someone's cup of tea. Love your work :)

Leanne said...

ROFL! I have tears streaming down my face Suzi. That was hysterical!!! I really needed that laugh. Thank you ...
But I'm with you.
Have never skied and don't feel the need.
An out of control tobogan smacking into a very solid snow man was enough for me ...
(tears I tell you, tears!!!)
I am now going to have to recall a winter snow trip from two years ago for my own blog. Will get onto that tomorrow (wink)

boomerang jane said...

I'm with Leanne, hilarious. But went one further, laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breath & then snorted drink all over myself, lovely! OMG were we friends back then? Was I on this trip with you? I swear the same thing happened to my girlfriend & I (we finally decided that drinking alcohol inside by the fire was the best way to experience skIIng (Hawaii is the only good word with two i's)

Jess Newman said...

Ha ha, this is hilarious!

When I was fifteen, we too talk a school trip to Thredbo. But it was a hot day (go figure) and we got bored quickly with the instructor and decided we knew what we were doing.
As I came down the beginners ramp (and it was the beginners ramp), I realised I had no idea now to stop, and was faced with the prospect of crashing into a group of small children, or a group of ski intructors. I chose the latter, who then asked me if I had had lesson.

I gave up after that and went and made snow men.

Mumma's Mini Mes - Kym said...

Hi new follower and found you from FYBF :)
I am not a huge skier but my husband is big into Snowboarding. we have just booked our trip to the snow for next year. It will be lovely for the girls to make snow angels and snow man and snow balls. They have never seen the snow before.
Our friend came to Canada (many years ago) when we were working there are backpackers and she when down the first slope for the first time skiing in her life and she ripped her tendon and had to get ski patrol to take her down! Can be scary stuff!

Daisy, Roo and Two said...

Oh man! You poor thing!! I've never been skiiing and it has never appealed to me. Pal keeps harassing me to organise a snow trip for our family in the next year or so, but I'll be putting it off for as long as I can!

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

Double I in the middle of a word is just weird right?!
My friend fell spectacularly when we went skiing and faked an injury so she could get a ride with the cute instructor on the snowski thingy.
I managed to ski in to a tree, albeit at low speed. I've not gone back. I don't do sport.
P.S. word verification not nearly as apt - xessizin.

Suzi said...

Sarah Mac: Yup, the ii and the fact that it's just horrible!

Jen: Thanks :)

Trish: Pegging snowballs at the kids could definately be an up-side...

Skylee: Nice to meet you, Swilling Strongbow hey? lol now thats Smart.

Robyn: Thanks for the follow :) I can understand the novelty if you are from up north. I would prefer the beach!

Leanne: Oh good I will look forward to it! Toboggan into a snowman? Ouch!

Boomerang Jane: Oh sorry about that!I lost a keyboard once to an ice coffee up the nose related incident (Woogsworld's fault)

Jess: Ha! Good choice, taking out little kiddies isnt a great look!

Kym: Snowboarding is possibly scarier than skiing... Ripped tendon? Ow! *shudder* hope the kids have fun with snow angels (at least they are pretty safe!)

Daisy: Smart girl!

Glowless: Smart friend! Yeah tree's are not good, the following year's ski trip (i didnt go) resulted in one teacher being air lifted to Canberra Hospital with a severely broken leg and another in the local hospital with hypothermia.