Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Invaded By The Germans


I am a messy, uni-lingual, Anti domestic goddess who can’t cook to save herself and yells at the children too much. I am also sadly, a ‘Yes’ person.
 Of course this means when my German husband’s cousin asks if he and his mate (who doesn’t speak any English and has severe diabetes) can come and stay with us for a week or two while they are in Australia, I say ‘Sure, no problem!’.  
Sure, no problem. Except that one of you is likely to leave in a diabetic coma cause I have Zero idea of the dietry requirements of a diabetic, and that’s only if the food poisoning from my poor cooking skills doesn’t get you first. My husband and children will be ok as they are used to it, eating at my place is kind of like drinking the water in Bali, you can only do it if you are a local.
The husband has managed to take some time off from his day job and plans to put our visitors to work like slaves, something about digging trenches for the duck coop and chopping firewood..  I’m not really convinced that digging into rock hard clay with a pick axe is the way they will want to spend their holiday.
So while I am rather amused and slightly turned on by the fact that my husband can chat merrily away to people in a foreign language, I am left playing charades for 'do you want a coffee?'  and it brings me to the age old question:
What does one do with two non English speaking, 30 something year old German men in the middle of the bush?
Below are a few simple ideas I have to keep them occupied:
#1) Send them into the bush with the kids to look for Koalas – We don’t get them around here, but they don’t know that and as a bonus it gets the kids out of our hair for a bit!
#2) Give them some shovels and tell them there are Opals about 1.5M down coincidentaly in the same spot where the new duck pond is going...
#3) Let them have fun on the farm with a turn on the tractor! That way they can slash the bottom paddock for us while Hubby & I relax and drink cocktails by the dam.
#4) Give them vegemite on toast and photograph their facial expressions.
 If all else fails, I guess we can always send them off to the pub – With half the locals boycotting it I’m sure the pub could use their business and with them being German, I’m sure they could use the beer.
What would you do with a house full of Germans for two weeks? How would you cope?

6 comments:

Fussy Eater's Mum said...

Love your list! We regularly have Germans come work for us for seeding and harvest. They do speak English, but sometimes I'm not so sure. I should just break down and learn German.

No matter how much you warn them about the wildlife, they just don't get it until the 2 meter snake is right in front of them or the kangaroo has to be pulled off the ute bonnet and put down.
But putting them to work is a good idea, otherwise they won't appreciate the effort that goes into living here.

Jen said...

My father-in-law lives in Russia. He's not Russian he's just married to one. They have a 16 year-old son together. The speaks english quite well now but when we first got married he was only 8 and very afraid of our language. Being 19 newly wed and having 0 experience with other cultures this presented quite a challenge, especially when he and his mother would go off in rapid Russian at the dinner table. I could assume they where talking about my equally terrible cooking. My advice? Well you have a great list started but I would add to pretend you understand every word they say. It may unnerve them enough to be more polite :)

PlanningQueen said...

Hilarious. Like the image of them on tractors and you sipping cocktails!

Sarah Mac said...

Your list made me chuckle, I say, put them to work and think of it as a holiday for yourself. Maybe you could get them to do the cooking too?

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

Great list, particularly the vegemite bit. Just whatever you do, don't mention ze war or Basil Fawlty will go nuts.

MultipleMum said...

Tee he! My experience with Germans is they like a beer, crazy music, walking in the 'woods' and good food. (Something low GI with the diabetic at the table). You just need to learn 'prost!' and away you go x