Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Deal or No Deal?

This photo is of a couple I dont know at an event I went to recently, they danced together in the sunlight, looking so much in love.

The lovely E over at Whining at the World wrote a post recently about relationship deal breakers that got us thinking about what exactly constitutes a deal breaker. How for some people little annoying habits might signal the end and for others years of mental/ physical abuse might not be enough.
I started wondering what it is exactly that keeps people together when they probably shouldn’t be. One reason is fear. In the case of people I have known suffering mental /physical abuse, some have stayed due to the fear of being hurt or even killed. Another type of fear is the fear of not knowing what to do without your partner, I have seen a women in her 60s, married to a man she has never loved, stay in the relationship unhappily out of the fear of being on her own and the feeling of being unable to survive financially without him. Another friend finally left an abusive relationship believing for much too long that she was not good enough for anyone else and that nobody else would have her.
Another reason is ‘staying together for the kids’. Some people even choose have a baby as a way of improving a marriage or trying to get someone to stay with them, these people have no idea how much more complicated leaving a marriage is with children involved.  Personally can’t understand why this would feel like the right thing to do, I remember my best friend growing up listening to her parents fight day in and day out she used to wish they would just divorce already so they could all get on with their lives without the fighting. Her parents did eventually divorce but not until the children left home. Another friend’s mother didn’t call it quits with her husband until he was sent to jail for stabbing and nearly killing her – previously these years of mental and physical abuse were endured “for the children”. Wouldn’t our kids be much happier growing up in two separate happy environments, than one unhappy one?
The husband and I have dealt with things through our 10years together as most couples have, some of these things would probably even be considered ‘deal breakers’ to people.  I am pleased to say that we very rarely fight and our relationship is stronger now than ever, the divorce rates these days are just plain scary, something like 2 out of 3, and I admit we have even joked nervously every time the relationship of somebody around us ends, that our own odds have statistically improved.
I suppose everyone is different, I personally HATE confrontation and fighting, I don’t recall my parents ever fighting and I just can’t handle it. The Husband is more the silent type who gets his point across by NOT talking, his parents are still together as well.  I know one couple that fight like cats and dogs loudly ALL the time (even on the phone in the middle of Kmart), but they genuinely do love each other and despite their volatile natures could never be a part from each other. Both their parents are divorced and I wonder how that impacts their marriage and influences the way they deal with situations .
Did your parents divorce? What do you consider to be a deal breaker? Has your relationship overcome the odds?  

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