Trust.
It’s easy to lose and hard to gain. We tell people with our deepest secrets every day and they promise on their lives to keep them, but between you, me and the fence post it seems that more often than not, promises were made to be broken - Unless of course, you are 8yrs old and have partaken in the sacred ritual of the ‘pinky’ promise, that one’s for life or at very least a few good lollies as bribery.
As a child you find out something so incredibly AMAZING like Romeo has a crush on Juliette OMG! And as much as you want to keep your promise you just have to tell your best friend and they promise 'cross their hearts and hope to die' to keep it to themselves but before you know it Juliette is cranky with you because someone told Romeo and now he thinks she has girls germs.
As adults we still do it to a certain degree, partake in idol gossip, except we call it a chat and a cuppa. Even I have in the past been guilty of divulging non consequential little secrets entrusted to me over a cup of tea.
The trouble is as we grow older the importance of keeping those secrets increases, they are deeper and darker and the threat of revealing them tends to have much bigger fallout. The burden can be hard to bear too – someone I don’t really know very well confided in me that one of her friends has told her he is cheating on his wife and now she doesn’t know what to think, her loyalty to her friend is one thing but she can’t condone his behaviour as she feels for the wife’s position. She needed to say something and felt she could tell me as I don’t actually know the people involved. (Yeah, yeah and here I am putting it out on the internet for the world to see.)
Putting people in hard positions like these and that need to get something off your chest, are how ‘a little birdie told me...’ stories eventuate, often in only half their entirety and then get spread around like Chinese whispers and blown out of proportion. That's how rumours are started. Rumours around the family home and in the work place are a whole lot more damaging than any encountered on the school yard, rumours cost people their jobs, business’ their clients and split up families.
Personally, I have only told a few people my darkest secrets – I suppose that’s because they really aren’t very dark at all and are hardly worth talking about. One such person is my best friend, he and I have total trust in each other and after 10years we still stay up late at night chatting and laughing (and gossiping) with each other like kids at a sleepover. I’m lucky enough to have married him too.
Do you Gossip? (Oh come on, you know you do!)
Do you feel like you can genuinely trust people or do you always feel the need to watch what you say around some?
Have you ever been burdened with a secret you wish you hadn’t ever found out about?
5 comments:
I'd like to do something that made me worthy of being gossiped ABOUT!
I've born the brunt of office gossip. A good friend of mine came to work in my team, so we'd do the things friends do; chat, have lunch together, be supportive of each other when crappy things happens to the other. Only my friend is a man. The gossiping women in my office couldn't fathom that a man and a woman, both happily married to other people, could be friends without something salacious going on. My boss actually called me into her office to suggest that I not eat lunch with my friend any more. I politely told her to mind her own business.
Oh boy, I love a good gossip, er, chat and a cuppa :) Though I can say I've never divulged a secret. And luckily for me no one's confided in me with something very controversial.
Gossip can be a handy tool at times - in my wider family if you want person x to know something, but don't want to cause a scene because god knows they are a touchy lot, you just have a bit of a rant to someone else and, hey presto!, person x gets the message. Childish, and at times cowardly, but works every time and really does save a lot of angst.
I have a couple of people I trust but have a pretty boring life so haven't had any deep dark secrets to share. Which is a good thing, of course!
Oooooo, I do like a goss and a chat and sometimes a bit of assumption making too. I have learnt that it's important to know when to shut up and when to listen and when to stick up for people too. Sometimes it's easy to get carried away with goss when it isn't happening to you and when you've got no idea how hard some people have it and that is why they do the things they do.
There isn't much that people don't know about me, I've got nothing to hide. But I am pretty good at keeping secrets and being trusted and confided in, even though I put everything about me out there. I've heard some horrific stuff and there are things that I have not ever shared with my husband because I was truly asked to tell no one. I appreciate being trusted and I would never want to breech someones trust.
Also sometimes things get out through other means and have a way of exposing certain people without you having to do anything at all. ahhhh justice!
thanks for the great post. love it.
Interesting post! Gossip is often a bonding type ritual but I am very careful what I share and who I share it with.
I make a mental note not to share alot with those who are constantly gossiping (or in some cases bitching) about other people they know. Makes me think they'd be more than happy to 'share' about me as well.
Also I try not to let what I say get too nasty - it's hard some times but worth it!
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