Thursday, 7 July 2011

Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate...

I am addicted to junk food, I did two years without the stuff once, but that’s a whole other story. Once I fell off that wagon it was all over. I still remember that fateful night, I had just moved out of home into a share house and one of the blokes living there offered me a piece of Cadbury Plain Chocolate, not wanting to be rude to my new house mate, I took it. I knew that night as I accepted those little squares and felt the welcoming sweetness melt into my mouth that I had just undone 2 years of hardcore chocolate-sobriety.
Fast forward 10 years and 4 children later:
 I am standing in my kitchen feeling hungry, it’s about lunchtime and there is no chocolate in the house. Damn. So instead I nuked an egg and chucked it between two stale pieces of bread and smothered it in tomato sauce and ate it, not high style dining, but food all the same.
I wasn’t really hungry but thought I could go another, this time the egg exploded in the microwave making a huge bloody mess. While cleaning up the egg mess I dropped the microwave dish into the sink full of dishes, nothing broke but the almighty crash woke up The Princess.
Got the Princess up and made her some lunch – a slightly healthier cheese & vegemite sandwich and celery sticks. I decided that I was still kind of peckish, in search of something quick, easy and not celery. I found the butter popcorn.
“1 to 5 minutes” it says on the label, do not leave un-attended. Fine, whatever.
So I chuck it in the microwave for 3 minutes and walk off to try and prevent The Princess feeding the royal Border Collie anymore of her sandwich. Back into the kitchen and I open the microwave, smoke pours out of the door to greet me. Oh Joy.
So I turned off the smoke detector and took the popcorn outside. I decided the universe was trying to tell me something which was either; STOP EATING CRAP YOU DONT NEED! or possibly AVOID THE MICROWAVE, ITS OUT TO GET YOU!
I guess I have reached a point where all my clothes have simultaneously shrunk again... and I get puffed walking to the letter box... (It’s a 500m driveway before you judge me too harshly.)
It has now been nearly a week since I last ate chocolate. For me, that is a really long time. I have been having withdrawal symptoms too – a headache I can’t shift, irritability and midnight urges to drive the 80km round trip to a shop and sink my teeth into a big bar of Cadbury fruit & nut...
So after one attempt to high tail it to the shops for a fix resulted in this:

The universe has spoken. THIS HAS TO END. NOW.
If I can go a week, I can go two, and three and so on, can’t I? My mother has always said, “Everything in moderation.” and that is fine, a true statement for many, but not one applied to alcoholics and I think one that may not apply to me as a chocoholic.
Breastfeeding my daughter has also left me boobless  at an appropriate weight/ BMI and since I got hubby desexed  am not having any more children, the last 3 times I’ve had this opportunity, I've blown it. This is my last ‘get out of fat free’ card and the time has come to make the decision.
 By about blogging this, I feel it will help me stay on the straight and narrow and lose my Drab chocoholic status and turn it into a Fab health conscious one. I will also try and walk to the letterbox occasionally more often.
Are you a chocoholic too? How do you beat the cravings? How do you get the smell of burnt popcorn out of your house?
Would you like to join in on the Drab 2 Fab Link up? Simply head over to Diminishing Lucy and follow the prompts.


Jen said...

That was a masterpiece of a story! I'm not sure if I could give up chocolate myself, although I have brought it down to only chocolate cereal (they add vitamins, so it's okay ;) )

Seriously though I applaud you. Good luck with your goal!

robyn said...

Oh, those kind of days are just awesome aren't they? I am not a chocolate addict, but I do have a penchant for salty foods- I can never have chips in the house! But I admire you for doing what you're doing!

For the microwave- Wipe your microwave out with a cloth dipped in water and vinegar, also, if the smell is in the air filters (as it probably is) microwave a bowl of water with some vanilla essence in it.

Jane said...

I have never had that popcorn problem in the microwave. I bought a popcorn maker thing so I can air pop it and it is supposed to be "healthier".

I definitely think the universe is trying to tell you something - the exploding egg, the burnt popcorn and the flat tyre - you have been told!

I totally admire your lack of chocolate for 2 years - that is incredible. The longest I have gone now is 5 months, but it seems to have helped me cause I can have the occasional chocolate now - meringues are another story for me.

I beat the cravings by using my 10 Things I want more list - If I can think of 10 reasons not to have the chocolate then I don't have it. The "rules" are if you can't think of 10 reasons then you are allowed to have it, but I have never had a problem coming up with 10.

I found you though drab 2 fab. Looking forward to looking around some more.

P.S. I am a new follower as well.

Leanne said...

There is nothing worse than burnt popcorn!!!! (says she having just eaten not one but two mini chocolate bars ....sigh ...)

PS Can you believe the word verification word is "cocoa"!!! Is that a sign?

Seana Smith said...

Great storytelling! You poor thing, too many disasters and the smell of burnt popcorn is a shocker. I am so much better with food and choccie than I used to be... so only the wine to work on now...

Anonymous said...

I believe in those signs from the universe. I do not always listen but I do believe.
I am a chocoholic and can cut back but have never quit for more than a week. My cravings have NEVER gone away.
Someone said switch to cocoa, bitter taste, and you'll want to quit after small amounts.
I want to get healthier, not poison myself.
What works for me is having it in the house and then when I want it making myself do something to burn off the calories first, and then seeing if I can put off eating it for 2 minutes, then another 2 or 3. Knowing it is waiting for me helps.