Thursday, 22 September 2011

Write On Wednesday

Well Better late than never, I havn’t had much opportunity to participate in WOW of late and I have really been missing it! I was glad to finally find some time this week. If you havn’t already pop over to Ink Paper Pen and have a look at all the great stories.
I have gone over the 200 words (sorry) but my excuse is that my character is actually based on two people I observed while watching some road works and I wanted to include them both, inspiration comes in funny places sometimes!

Lou braked heavily and the water tanker rounded the corner throwing a big cloud of dust into the air sending his white hair brown, he wrinkled his brow and coughed, should have closed the bloody window.  He sighed and adjusted himself in the seat, the cracks in the old leather were irritating his sweaty back as he bumped his way along the country lane, following the large yellow grader up and down, up and down, just as he had for the last 27 years.
Lou could feel heat radiating onto his weathered face, the circadas were chirping already, it was going to be another stinker. A cold stubbie and one of Mary’s cheese and ham sanga’s would go down a treat about now, how long til smoko? A shiny white ute pulled alongside him, “Mornin ‘Lou” a young bloke with sunnies perched on the top of his curly dark hair sang out the window, “how are ya? Workin hard?  Or hardly workin?”
Rob had taken over the business when his dad had passed away last year, full of his own importance and always a bit too happy for Lou’s liking, he knew very little about not a lot and Lou felt that frankly a Kelpie probably could have done a better job organizing things than he did.
Lou nodded back, “G’day Rob.” “Hey Lou,” Rob smiled “Do ya reckon you could stay back till 4 today? I hate to hold you up but I want to get this section finished today, you know councils got there deadlines...”  “Lou stared at Rob in disbelief, Mate, you know I can’t, not today I’ve gotta knock off at 1, Mary’s got her appointment, and I can’t miss it!”
“Well Lou, it’s up to you but it doesn’t look like there’s going to be much work over the next few months and I’m going to have to give it to the blokes who are prepared to go the extra mile, know what I mean?. It’s alright mate, you’ll make the right choice!” Rob winked, jumped back into the ute and sped off.
Lou glanced into the mirror as the little flashing orange light disappeared from view. ‘Bastard ’ he muttered under his breath.


flowersinmywords said...

Oh this is beautiful! I really felt for Lou and you've truly captured these characters, I hope Mary is ok...

Sarah Mac said...

Yep, I agree with Lou, jumped up little bastard. I hope he did make the right choice and go with Mary.

It felt like you were describing someone you really know, I have a very clear picture of Lou in my head.

Lene said...

Bastard is right! You have described Lou so well, I really related to him. So Aussie and down to earth. I even love your use of slang, 'Sanga' great word!

therhythmmethod said...

This is wonderful! What a great little story, all observed from the road works gang.
My only niggle would be some of your sentences are a little long. They could be broken up into shorter ones. But I really, really love this piece. So glad you could join in WoW this week. :)

Finding a skinnier me said...

I really felt for him. Who hasn't had a boss rope us into working longer or into taking a shorter vacation?

Janelle said...

Damn that Rob! Don't listen to him Lou, go to Mary's appointment!
I loved it, the characters were so clear, the language you used was spot on. The word "smoko" always makes me smile :)
Will you continue with this story?

Sheri Bomb said...

I love Lou! Rob is a jerk :P I really loved the way you wrote, the language was almost like Lou was narrating but he wasn't. It all just fit. Great job :)